Wow.. seriously a very dead blog.. and i knw no one would knw if i updated this. LOLS~!
And if a miracle would be that someone actually read this den gd for u.. @.@

And my habit of writing my most deepest thoughts cn never be changed. only 1 person in this world knws tt actually.. i wonder if she still remembers.. hmm.. lols..
either way, random rambling jus makes me feel better sometimes.. even if she read this she also wont reply.. ._. reply also i wont feel anything. a feeling long dead. but i still wish for her happiness. Afterall, i never loved anyone more strongly den i loved her. and it took me so long to finally stopped loving her as a gal and start liking her as a sister.

I'm happy that the feeling died. Cus i cn finally move on in one sense. In another sense, i dunno hw to feel again.. its like so long since i last fell. sometimes i would feel despo nn try to jio a gal, but tt feeling doesnt feel as gd as those feelings from long ago..

Talking abt long ago, i felt that tt episode in my life wif her was like my life's greatest drama. A story i would look back in time and reminisce. Sadness happiness frustrations and joy.
Like a drama series in a whole year.

Enuf abt de past le.. de more i think de more i feel i cnt move on properly, esp with wat happen wif my family nn stuff.

What i originally wanted to write here is that i finally feel that i have fallen i love once again..
At 1st, i had tot that with my fascination with all things 2d had finally made me a real otaku incapable of loving a real person again. but instead of that, i had alrdy fell in love with someone for quite sometime, is that becus i am afraid of loving her in fear of ruining our friendship that i totally push it away and claim it was jus a feeling of me feeling despo and wanting to jus get someone. After awhile i realised that that should be de least of my problems, for if she feels it would affect our frenship den i'll jus have to repair that frenship..

I dun rmb myself to be someone so weak as to worry abt something so minuscule. i had daringly tried to get someone to be mine even thou she was attached. I may sound like a bastard but i felt at that point of time that i was a better man for her. someone to have given her wat she wanted. If i was that strong before then i should jus be even stronger that i was last time.. Afterall i wants to carry all her burden, be there to catch each tear, make a shooting star if she wanted a wish, or make that wish come true myself. I dun have to be her source of all her happiness, but i would want to be the person hu she could trust her worries too.. So i have a new conviction to try and woe her and not being a coward anymore..

Finally, i have revived and found my old self. The one that has gone thru a tornado and hurricane coming out smiling. This is my frenzy i will not allow even god to stand in my way for my happiness.. I will attain my own happiness selfishly.

A feeling that i had thought i lost in my past. But it was always der.. I jus nvr noticed it. But now another story shall be woven out of the fantasy i call my life.

KORE DE ORE NO KYOURAN DA~!